1971 was a landmark year. Sure, every year is significant for something, but our story begins in 1971, so play along. That March, General Mills released the “Monster Cereals.” The lineup was twofold. Frankenberry, who was a cartoonish version of Frankenstein’s monster. He had a Boris Karloff voice and a vaguely strawberry-ish flavor. Next up was Count Chocula: a kid-friendly vampire parody of Bela Lugosi with hints of chocolaty goodness. For us Monster Kids, they were amazing! They turned the milk pink (or brown—see above), and were an instant hit. The Saturday morning commercials, strategically sandwiched between cartoon episodes, involved the 2 mascots arguing over which cereal was better. The following year, a third was added; Boo Berry was a blue ghost who sounded like Peter Lorie, and—see a pattern here?—turned the milk blue.
They were initially available all year, but eventually shelved and brought out of the attic (or dungeon…whatever) just in time for Halloween. Along the way, a fourth and fifth were added. Frute Brute, which was originally spelled like the produce, but changed for some reason, was a werewolf. And Yummy Mummy (You guessed it – a spider. No? Moving on…), like Frute Brute, came into and out of the line-up for several years. In 2014 GM got the whole band together in retro-style boxes; and, finally, the ‘Fab 5’ were on the shelves together.
Obviously, I had to buy all 5; and I saved the boxes for posterity. I’m sure they will grow exponentially in value and will probably put future generations through college.
A couple years ago, a new, limited-edition character was introduced—Carmella Creeper—an interesting addition. First of all, she was a SHE—a ghoul for the girls, while all previous characters had been male. Also, she seemed to represent both the Gen Z and Rave demographics, and was less influenced by Gothic horror. Carmella’s a cool zombie disk jockey in the form of a green caramel apple-flavored cereal. She is also supposed to be Frankenberry’s cousin. The lore doesn’t really hold up to scrutiny, but it’s cereal canon, not Tolkien or Star Trek; so let’s cut them a break. Sadly, Carmella was only around for a couple of years. I’m hoping she’ll make occasional appearances in the rotation.
It’s almost Halloween – my favorite holiday! But oddly, I haven’t found the monster cereals in the stores this year. On the Internet, I can see that they have been making the rounds, and even had some sort of Muppet character crossover. They’re just not in any of the grocery stores I’ve been frequenting. I’m going to be on the lookout next year. They are not sneaking past me again. I’ll be waiting…and watching.
(Cue the evil laughter track.)
Now, truth be told, I don’t need more zero-nutritional value, fiber-poor, simple carbohydrate calories in my diet. But, C’mon; it’s a 54-year tradition. A couple boxes of artificial flavoring won’t kill me. It probably won’t. Right?
So, if you find yourself hunkering down for a sweet, pastel-colored bowl of scary goodness, give a nod to your horror pals that made it all possible. And maybe lift a spoon to your old buddy Toph, too. Okay?
Happy Halloween –
-Toph
